Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
