i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
