that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
