yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
