Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
