bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he fucked my hip out of place.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I am available for nakedness
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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