if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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