God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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