So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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