At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I can feel your judgement through the phone
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
