he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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