The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i drank out of a bidet.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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