now i know why i became what i already was.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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