She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
