dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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