1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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