so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
