so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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