I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
