Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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