didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
