u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
