pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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