We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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