So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
