Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
