i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My ass is underappreciated
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
