She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
