You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
