You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
