Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
