I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
They have beer where we have blood.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
