Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
