I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
