I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
