So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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