Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
