i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
A bitchslap is in order.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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