I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Pooping to opera.
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