Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
