whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
