i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
