I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
