how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
