Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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