Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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