I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
