Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
