he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
