i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
