I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
