He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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