So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
