all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
