yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
